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What religion are you? That's a question I've been asked frequently over the years. I've had answers in the past but now I find myself without one. I wasn't raised in church but we did go on holidays. I was confirmed as a Methodist but that was it. I didn't keep going or make it part of my life. I got older and more independent about what I wanted and what I thought. I know why religion didn't take well for me...because I'm a control freak and the thought of giving up control to an unseen God was silly. Even now I think about the name God. Ten years ago I wouldn't have used a capital G for the name. My journey changed as I started college in a town with about 20 churches. Religion was such a part of the town that it was pushed on any and everyone who lived there. I didn't like religion being pushed on me so I pushed back. I started reading all about religion any and all kinds. I was building up knowledge so I could pushing back. After learning as much as I could or "wanted too" I made my way to being an atheist. At this point I would picked knowledge fights with religious people to see if I could win. Some how at the time that was entertaining to me. Looking back now it was just me being a dick. My next step was agnostic because I was feeling a little lost and thought maybe something was there but didn't like organized religion. Now as I make my way back or too religion I still don't like putting a face on God. To me putting a face or picture created by man seems flawed in some way. Here is this all knowing and seeing God why take or give a form. The religious journey would next take me east and still love the belief system of Asian religions. Buddhism just has a great out look on life and religion. Be Good and work hard and all will be right in the world. You'll see in the end because you weren't ever bad so that means you'll go to a spiritual place when you die. Now we come to the whole reason for this post. As I get older and have a family that are the world to me I'm searching again for answers. I've been a good person most of my life with some cocky/arrogant sections mixed in. I actually tried to move back towards religion in 2003/2004 but something happened that pushed me away again. The reason I'm thinking about church/religion/God now is my family. My kids and wife are my life and I know it's not just random they were given to me. The logical answer is God and or Faith thus all the new questions. I guess I want to put this out there so that it's not locked in my head and has a chance to run away. I worry about trying church because I know I'll feel out of place. The only times I've been in a church in 20 years was for a playing gig. I'm just going to take it day by day and see where this new direction leads me.

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AuthorTodd Modgling